And I'm reminded again that this is a joyous holiday season

Sometimes I need to buy stuff. I haven't figured out how to grow my own toilet paper yet, so until that time I will have to buy it.

And so to buy the giant TP we hit the local Target. Actually, that's not true. We hit the Watertown, MA Target. If you ever have the option of going to a different one (if you live in the greater Boston area) you should. I've started calling it "Bad Target." Not so much because of the Target itself, but because of the people who go there.

When we arrived on Saturday afternoon the parking lot was full. Entirely. We circled for a while before finding a space. I suggested maybe we abandon our trip, but we pushed ahead because we are stupid people and do not learn. Eventually we found a space next to a poorly parked car. We have a tiny car. Yay, tiny car!

Then we entered the store. At some point I had a list, but after a few minutes I started to get a little panicky. The place was hot and crowded. Everything was bombed out - I wanted TP, a humidifier and some cat food for the cat that pukes up the other expensive food I've given her and will show no interest in any of the stuff I buy for her at Bad Target. But I digress.

Deeps and I split up, he looked for Kashi and paper products after snagging the last large room humidifier on the shelf. I wandered back towards the pet food aisle which is next to the consumer electronics. Sweet fancy Moses. What a horror show.

While I was standing in the aisle contemplating food the cat won't eat, a loud woman with a cart and her little Nextel phone arrived. She was loudly talking on the walkie-talkie to her friend. She was incredibly loud and talking about someone's doctor's appointment. A surly man was also in the aisle with me and started loudly talking to himself about how awful it was this lady was so loud and talking about personal things on her phone/walkie. Then the lady started telling the guy he was "so funny" and told her friend about the a-hole/joker in the aisle.

I grabbed three cans of Iams and made a run for it. It's one thing when family members start bickering at Target, it's another when strangers start in on each other. I exited just as they started an escalating yelling match. Perhaps the scent of fresh cat nip drove them wild.

Just remember - it's the most wonderful time of the year. There are still plenty more shopping days until Christmas. And I'll be doing my shopping online.

It reminds me a lot of 1988

I don't watch a lot of filler TV anymore. You know, when you're bored and you just flip on the TV and watch anything? Thanks to the DVR I don't really do that much. Except on Saturday mornings. Sometimes it's just a free-for-all of bad television.

This morning I came across something unusual and oddly familiar. Guys on TV were playing video games - and they were competing against each other. So it was a little like 1988 when Cuddles and Bangles would play Super Mario on the Nintendo in the living room and I'd watch them. It was about that exciting too.

Watching this made me think that some things don't really change that much. Graphics get better, games are harder, but the spectator is still pretty freaking bored. Luckily, I could watch a guy build a stone wall over on HGTV so as I grow older I've transitioned to a new kind of boring. I'm saving golf for my 50s.

The nice thing about watching a guy build a wall is that there's no annoying Nintendo music to accompany it. That Super Mario song used to haunt my dreams.

Happy, haunted holidays?

When we lived in Cambridge there was a guy near our apartment who erected a large inflatable ornament for many holiday occasions. I guess we first noticed it around Halloween when the guy put up a giant pumpkin.

Me: Hey did you see the giant glowing pumpkin?
Deeps: You mean the one across the street?
Me: Yeah. It's so spooky.
Deeps: It's hard to miss.
Me: Beware the haunted pumpkin!

And then a giant turkey went up in early November.
Me: The turkey haunts my dreams.
Deeps: Beware the haunted turkey!

When the giant snowman went up, we included that "landmark" as a point of reference in our Christmas party invitations.
Me: The snowman is so spooky.
Deeps: His cold heart will fill you with terror!
Me: Beware his haunted coal-filled eyes!

Sometime around December 26 we started to get a little nervous. What would possibly replace the snowman?

Deeps: If he puts up an inflatable Abe Lincoln, I think he's gone too far.
Me: Or Martin Luther King Junior.
Deeps: Yeah, inappropriate.
Me: Not unlike this conversation.

The incident with the coyote and the SUV-driving lady on and off a sidewalk

Last week I wrote about my encounter - from a distance - with a coyote.

We've heard a lot about coyotes in Arlington over the summer, but we live in a pretty dense spot without a lot of cover for them - so we haven't seen them. Then last week while approaching the back way to the big Alewife T station (that's the end of the line for the subway) we spotted the coyote again.

Actually, I'm not totally convinced it was the same coyote - it looked a little smaller than the one we saw earlier in the week so I thought it might be a female. But what do I know? I own a cat and sometimes watch Animal Planet.

Regardless, this coyote was closer to my drop-off point - about 50 feet away. Deeps was a little anxious. I'll admit I was a little anxious. Luckily, I have a secret weapon - I can make a lot of noise. It works on dogs sometimes, I thought it might work on the coyote. Plus the coyote seemed to be heading away from me.

I hopped out of the car - Deeps told me he'd wait until I made it to the station. The coyote circled back a little edged closer again. I thought it might follow me down the bike path. As I started to cross the street a lady in an SUV drove up. There was nobody else around - just me, Deeps, the coyote and this lady. She rolls through the stop and nearly takes me out. Then she looks at me like, "What?"

I finally cross over and turn back to look at my husband. He shook his head in disbelief. Here I was worried about coyotes and I'm nearly mowed down (slowly) by a dummy in an CRV.

Meanwhile the coyote ran across in a different direction and zigged across the ramp to merge onto Route 2/16. Cars honked, people gaped and I made my way to work. Just another Friday.

Let's Review

I'm having the kind of morning where I try to put the milk in the microwave and the cereal in the fridge - twice. Then I checked our home voicemail by calling my husband's office number.

I'm having a day. Did I mention it's been raining for a week and then yesterday it was like 70 and rainy and humid? Everyone is confused.

So I should really be careful out there to avoid the dangers of urban living - like coyotes, bike messengers and mysterious eye infections. I expect the worst thing I'll face today is long delays on the T followed by a close encounter with a bike riding, coyote with a touch of conjunctivitis.

Crosswalk Catastrophe

I work in Boston near lots of tourist attractions, hotels, businesses and shopping. Where you find those things you also find lots of cars.

Every day I see people - whom I sometimes call idiots - wander out into traffic in front of cars without looking. And then they are stunned when they are nearly mowed down. I'm a big advocate of the crosswalk and crossing with the green.

And this is what I did yesterday as I headed home. I approached the crosswalk, I had the green but a couple of cars where blocking the crosswalk. So I kind of weaved around them, giving the first guy a nasty look when I hear "Look out!" and then a bike messenger ran me down. (Okay, seriously body checked me - but nobody went down.)

Oh yeah, I was one of the idiots. I apologized profusely. The cyclist continued on and the idiot blocking the crosswalk had no idea what role he played in this process (which I considered somewhat significant). It's hard to maneuver around cars in crosswalks because your field of vision is reduced.

I was flustered and PO'd when it dawned on me that - wait! I had the green, I was in the crosswalk. I didn't do anything wrong and yet some biker guy ran me down. I wasn't hurt, everyone lived and I made it home to take the world's angriest house cat to the vet.

She's fine , by the way. We're all fine and dandy. But we're both in foul moods.

Like the Wild Kingdom

Guess who has the evil eye?

What if I added "again" to that question?

Yep. I have pink eye for the second time in about three weeks. Totally bizarre. I've called the eye doctor per my GP's advice. So there's that.

In other weird news I spotted a giant coyote on my way to work yesterday. We were driving near the big Alewife T station, approaching the back entrance when I spotted a big dog in the distance.

Deeps is a little skittish around animals - he wasn't raised with any pets and I think large animals make him nervous. This coyote wasn't quite as small as I've seen in the past near my parents' house in Indiana. I wasn't inclined to say anything to him about it, but then he said that the dog looked sick.

Me: He has mange.
Deeps: Oh yeah?
Me: Lots of coyotes do.
Deeps: That's a coyote?
Me: Yeah.
Deeps: So I've finally seen one?
Me: Yep.
Deeps: And now I'm going to drop you off just a few hundred feet from the coyote to walk to the station?
Me: Of course!
Deeps: Can you out run a coyote?
Me: He's probably more afraid of me than I'd be of him.
Deeps: I finished listening to the This American Life Halloween episode where the lady is attacked by a rabid raccoon.
Me: I'll probably avoid that.
Deeps: Fine, but if you're attacked by wolves commuting to work don't blame me.
Me: I think it's much more likely I would be attacked by a pack of tourists.
Deeps: And you have no idea if they are vaccinated against rabies either.
Me: Exactly.

The lion snores tonight

Dana, our cat, who is also called Poopus, has to go to the vet later this week. WE got the little postcard in the mail addressed to the cat reminding us it was time to get a check up.

This coincides with some kind of weird little growth on her chin. I couldn’t get a good look at it this morning since I was heading out for work and she was very squirmy. She also weighs 16 pounds so… it’s hard to maneuver her with one hand and check her face with the other.

I mentioned this to Deeps this morning and he agreed to help me with her when we got home.

Flash forward to after dinner (mmmm… burrito night!) and he’s got the cat wrapped up in a blanket while I try to hold her head up to see what’s on her face. I’m not really sure I could do anything but at least I could determine if the spot was tender and if she’s in pain.

She started to wriggle around – a lot. See, we stupid humans tried the maneuver on her that also sometimes signals the dreaded cutting of the nails. She was starting to wig out so I told Deeps to let her go as she squirmed out of his arms.

I’m not sure if it was the “excitement” or the fact that we’d been maybe squeezing her a little too hard – but she landed on the ground and started to loudly wheeze. I tried to comfort her and get her to relax, which she did… by throwing up. Twice. Giant hair balls.

Sorry, was that overshare?

Anyway, the cat doesn’t appear to be overly bothered by what looks like a giant cat zit. She’s not coughing up anything. She looks pretty content curled up on the rug. And we have an appointment on Wednesday. She’s learned a new defensive maneuver – vomiting at will and I can’t say that I’m looking forward to messing with her again.

I’ve already warned the vet’s office that Dana is half evil and is inclined to “very bad behavior” once she gets there. The vet tech assured me they could handle it. Apparently there’s a note in her file and a support team is on stand-by.

I need one of those teams at home.

You've got to be kidding me

In addition to dealing with lots of technical glitches with my site, I experienced a new level of meltdown.

We recorded the big round-table discussion about LOST without incident (after delicious pancakes). Then our guests went home and we ran a few errands. When I returned the laptop was doing this funky thing it does with my mouse sometimes (it doesn't recognize it) which requires a reboot.

Then things went horribly wrong.

Seven hours and a few phone calls later, I realize it is very good that I don't keep much important data in any single place - like say a laptop hard drive - and that I have smart friends.

Peaches is very, very handy with hardware in a way that I can't even approach. So he was able to save the raw files from that morning's podcast recording session.

Tonight it'll go up and I'll finish reloading all the software I like on my newly reimaged hard drive.

Sometimes I don’t know when I’m done

Yesterday was a tough day of yard work. Deeps was motivated to deal with the huge deluge of leaves that migrated in our yard. We only have one tree in the front and two pine trees in the back, but every year our neighbors’ trees unload into our yard.

We’ve already done two rounds of tree clean up.

I’m not sure what happened. We worked for several hours doing clean up. I felt pretty good – if not smelly. I cut down a small dead tree that was propping up the neighbors climbing rose bush (please do not try to come between New Englanders and their overgrown shrubbery).

Okay, I didn’t actually cut it down… I ripped it out because it was so dead and rotty. Then we hacked that dead thing to pieces. It was very satisfying.

Afterwards I called my Dad – there’s a point to my story – to wish him a happy birthday. We chatted for a few minutes and then when it was over I wrapped up the call.

Deeps looked at me from the dining table.

Me: What?
Deeps: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah.
Deeps: You realize you just wished your father a Happy New Year.
Me: Did I really?
Deeps: Yep.
Me: Wow.
Deeps: You probably need to eat something. You never know when you’re done.
Me: Maybe he didn’t notice.
Deeps: If he did, he probably thinks you’re drunk.
Me: So what else is new? Hey when did you put the blinds down?
Deeps: Uhm, you did that before you got on the phone.
Me: I should probably eat something.
Deeps: Good idea.

Please stand by

The site is experiencing some technical problems, but don't worry.

Everything will be fine. Just fine. Sure, all of my archives are broken. I'm sure that's just something small. I'll think of something.

Eventually... it will be fixed.

God, do I really have over 1300 posts? Yikes!

*update - sometimes things are called beta for a reason. Don't fall for their shiny promises. Let the chumps test the beta. You wait for the final release.

Please don’t use the P word

I like this Boston Globe article because it illustrates two topics I love to discuss – the … insiderness of Boston and (and even better in my opinion) the battle between the upper classes of American society: the merely rich and the super-rich with a special emphasis on old money vs. new money.

Please to enjoy!

Lost in Paramus

A few times a year, I have to go down to visit the family of my beloved and beleaguered husband. I don’t know if he’s excited about these trips but it’s my best opportunity to spend quality time driving around New Jersey.

Say what you will about Jersey, but it has a lot of shopping opportunities. I haven’t seen so many Targets and diners and Nordstrom’s in my whole life. After we drive around a lot – without shopping – I then get to go to my in-law’s house. They keep the median indoor temperature around 80 degrees. Then I get to sleep on the world’s hardest bed. On the world’s hardest pillow next to my beloved husband.

I like to remind myself how much I love him. This is important so that I don’t try to escape in the middle of the night with the car and the one of my shoes.

But I tried to have a better attitude about the trip this year. We spent 10 quality hours driving to and from Jersey and I saw lots of lovely fall foliage. So I guess it was the longest and most awkward… and hot leaf peeping trip ever.

You’re not from around here

I’ve never lived in a place where I am so often reminded that “I’m not from around here.” Bostonians, New Englanders in general, seem to take great pride in being from here and if you’re not from here you just don’t get it. Doesn’t matter if you’ve been here for years and years - you’re still “new.”

I’d say there’s a tiny bit of that mentality in Chicago, although I only heard talk like that a handful of times. It didn’t matter if you were born there, we were all Chicagoans and we loved the city. I think one of those “you’re one of us, now” experiences is when your car is towed by Lincoln Towing. You are going to get towed at some point. Trust me; it’s only a matter of time.

You’re going to go down to the impound yard early in the morning and you’ll see the saddest show of humanity waiting around to break their cars out of jail. And you’ll meet someone without a soul, staring at you through triple-pane bullet-proof glass. If ever a place needed bullet-proof glass it’s Lincoln Towing. They are loathed by the citizens.

So what is the defining event in Boston or New England? Is there one? I’ll never be local, I’m okay with that. I just get a little tired of hearing how I don’t get it.

Sweats in the city

Deeps picked me up from the Alewife T station after work last night.

Me: (sweating)
Deeps: Are you okay?
Me: It was really hot on the train.
Deeps: Ew.
Me: And it smelled like…
Deeps: bad?
Me: Only if you consider the complex bouquet of old hobo urine and moldy take-out bad.
Deeps: Huh.
Me: Yeah.
Deeps: So what’s for dinner?
Me: I’m going to need a moment before I answer that.

Dr. Giggles

I’m not feeling especially clever today – that will become obvious when you read the rest of this entry - but I thought I’d share a few encounters I had with Deeps last night.

Me: Do you know where the colander is?
Deeps: No.
Me: Maybe you should call the police.
Deeps: You think you’re so funny.
Me: (hysterical laughter)

Later
Me: Have you seen my cell phone?
Deeps: No.
Me: I’m worried. I think we should call the police.
Deeps: (grumbling)
Me: (hysterical laughter)

Even later
Me: Have you seen the cat?
Deeps: Why should I call the police?
Me: No. I thought I heard her making the barf sound.
Deeps: Oh god.
Me: I know.
Deeps: Maybe she’s in the basement.
Me: Maybe we should call the police – and tell them to bring the hazmat team.
Deeps: ….
Me: (hysterical laughter)

The saddest cat in the neighborhood

So I have a cat and she was pretty cheesed off by the move. It's been almost 2 weeks and she's still mad. I know this because she's taken to attacking my feet while I sleep. Plus she likes to walk around and yowl at ungodly hours of the night and early morning.

She seems happiest when she is cuddled up in her cat carrier (a soft-sided duffle bag like item with open mesh sides). I put her in it during the move for a couple hours. Over the next couple of days I'd put her back in for a few minutes to keep her out of trouble while we lugged things in and out. I left the carrier under a table, open - now she's got her own personal cat fortress of solitude.

Since she seems so into the carrier I thought she might finally use a cat bed. I spent some QT at Target (where I go every weekend apparently) and was looking at pet beds. Here's the thing, the cat (aka Poopus), Dana Kitty - is a bit chubby. She's fat. She's too fat for a regular cat bed. She won't fit. My husband likes to point this out to me often and if possible, in public.

She's a housecat. Of course she's fat. She's older too - like 8. I mean, let's not kid ourselves.

So I had to buy her a bigger bed - a dog bed. I think she knows because she looked at it and just ignored it. I put the frog in the bed and a couple of new catnip toys but she's not going for it. I'm starting to devise new plans to get her to love it.

This morning I was flipping the bed around for a perfect placement in the room. I then discovered that the mattress flips over and has a flannel side. It had a giant dog toy - a frisbee with a dogs head and "good boy!" written on it. I heard a weird noise and looked up to see the cat watching.

I'm pretty sure she's figured out what's going on. I may never get a normal night's sleep again.

My fair city

I've been trying to warm up to Boston - really. I've been trying.

I like the Public Garden. It's really pretty. I don't get the whole Swan Boat thing - but you know, we had weird stuff for the tourists in Chicago, so I can relate.

And there's the other weirdness. Like the man who kept throwing small pieces of bread at me yesterday. He just was throwing it at me (it usually hit me in the back of the leg). Honestly, I didn't even know how to deal with the situation. I was confused about why so many birds were hovering about and buzzing my head. Should I just do my "Sir!" thing and tell him to take a hike?

I avoided confrontation - as I was about to take action, Deeps arrived.

The Train
Lots of people ride the El in Chicago. I don't really know anyone who rides the bus. So color me shocked to discover that people on the train are more horribly behaved than those on the bus. For example, I thought everyone understood that you get onto the train, and you move along so that other people can also get on the train. Every day someone - dozens of someones - violate this basic rule of public transportation. Then they act all surprised and offended that you might want to get past them or around them on the freakin' train.

Luckily - I learned how to deal with these people in Chicago. I pull out the trusty elbow and wield my messenger bag like a weapon. It's kinda fun. I've been thwapping people all week. Except the really gassy guy. He stood way too close and was way too gassy - there's no fighting it. Just hop off at the next stop. It's what your Mom would tell you to do.

Time Wasters

I found these flash movies on Tom Tomorrow's site. Apparently they're little ads for a Panasonic product. I've watched them a few times (and don't speak Japanese), I haven't figured out what they might be advertising. I've since learned from Tom Tomorrow's site that they're ads for an ISP in Japan.

Despite the odd subjects, I think you'll enjoy Hi Ho -- I know that I do. Please visit any of the links below for some Hi Ho action.

I wish I was famous like you

My friend died and I lost all my money

Snow hijinks

I'd watch out for that squirrel if I was you

Hi HO fun, I have no idea why

Shark's are killers

I want you to want me

What's so dangerous about fishing?

Boy saves Girl

Hi Ho Techno Christmas